Wednesday, 19 November 2014


You've got to lift yourself up so high, you can't see the ground, you don't hear a sound. You've got to move it up so slow, you see it all, you'll probably fall
One Way To Go - The Verve

Checkup... KFLC=75 

Wish I'd kept my ticket *
My clinic appointment clashes this month, with dropping Lyndon at nursery (somewhat tearfully, he's still getting used to the separation) and then watching Gyles' class assembly. (Did you know that around 13,000 houses, and 89 churches, were destroyed in the Great Fire of London? Gyles does.) I break it to Gyles over the breakfast table that I can't come to assembly. He is crestfallen.

And then I think about why I go through all the hoops and loops of MM in the first place. My priorities. So, I go to nursery and then assembly. And then I am very late for clinic, and in a hurry because I must get back to nursery by 12:30. After waiting for a while, I ask the myeloma nurse to help me jump the queue.

My light chains are just a little higher. Rationally, I know this is still meaningless, and even if it is an established trend, it means nothing of itself. My light chains could rise at the rate, of a few points a month, almost indefinitely without becoming problematic. It will be the point where increase accelerates that counts. And the numbers now give no indication of that. Still, emotionally, I'd love it if next time round the score hasn't gone up again. Here's hoping it is still less than 80, come January.

I'm sure the consultant could say all these sorts of things to me, along with a thousand other platitudes, but I'm in a hurry, so I don't wait to find out. 75. Yeah whatever. See you in 8 weeks.

On the way out I ask the receptionist to change my regular appointment time so I don't have to hurry up the hill from nursery. 10am would be good.
"I haven't got 10am", she says, "how about 9:55".
Anyone who has regular hospital appointments will understand why I struggle to stifle a giggle at that.

* Seeing The Verve at The Astoria (RIP), in 1995, was one of the greatest gig experiences I ever had. As it turns out, it was only weeks before they split up (and then reformed 2 years later, and promptly made it big). If I'm passing the Crossrail building site on Charing Cross Road, where the Astoria once stood, I'm always reminded of that night. Their sound was so all encompassing and cool, the lighting was fantastic and the crowd was totally wrapped up in it. I'm glad I gigged so much in my 20s, because there were so many amazing experiences - such as Thom Yorke, in 1994, sitting on stage playing acoustically some of the songs that would later appear on Radiohead's breakthrough album (The Bends). There was a lot of crap too, but we thought it was good at the time.

If you think that you're strong enough. If you think you belong enough. Nice dream
(Nice Dream) - Radiohead

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